super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
