She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize