one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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