Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
