gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
