I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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