Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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