I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
