All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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