I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
