Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
