Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
