we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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