I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
