Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize