yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
