they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
even my farts smell like vagina
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
