Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
