Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
