I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
