so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
