We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
