no, he came in my armpit
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
