You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Randomize
