my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize