...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
