So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
