evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
