im about as happy as oj after his trial
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
