I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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