My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I need water and some morals
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
