Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
