Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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