We won't sleep together?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
