Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
