if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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