One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
this will be a night to untag.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
