Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I can't trust your balls anymore.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
