Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
