I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize