does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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