Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I CAN MOONWALK!
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Come on in and take your pants off
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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