Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
