I wish life had little blips of pornography
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
So squirting runs in the family.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
