I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
