Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
