If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
