it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
