no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
