if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
