I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
