The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
