He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
