We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
