i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
She told me I should be a condom model.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
