"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
