guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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