a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
