The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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