Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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