And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
