What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
