The maid of honor just puked.
I want to make a zoo with you.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
