i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I wear drunk well.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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