grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
