someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I wish you could order shots online.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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