he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
