holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
