My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
