everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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