i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
