I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
