This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
