Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Randomize
