There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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