Already got asked if we're dating
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
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