Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
