the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
