my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
