Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
