4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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