Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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