remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
