maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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