If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
