can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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