I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
