That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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