it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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