for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
