dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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