you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
