How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
