Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
