i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Text me some of your sweat
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