but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You ruined the universe
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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