Ambien. No doubt about it.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
