apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
