I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
