he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
