I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
