I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize