he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
We left the knife in your bed.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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