I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
