dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
