I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
