I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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